Legend_of_IDRM_02

The Legend of IDRM

Note from editor: These are the unedited files of the band IDRM as they were found on an obscure location on the dark web not long ago.  
Make of them what you will.

 
DT3000: He only went in like 10 seconds before I did, but once I was in this mall, I didn’t see him. It was a small mall, and I could see the other end, about 200 feet away, with the same type of glass doorways and shit I just came through, so I figured I’d slip out the other side.
MM: What about the pizza guy?

and left. 
MM:

MM:
 haha so

mall now.. 
DT3000:

DT3000:
 I just

these guys. 
MM: You knew them?

Dino Bravo. 
MM: Ok.. uh.. he’s a wrestler, I guess..?

Rick Martel. 

MM: That is really.. umm…
DT3000: Crazy, right! They’re like “Get in, man, room for one more!” So I was so taken aback that I just was like “Alllright!” and I jump in, but I had this weird feeling. When the car took off, I was like “FUCKING JESUS CHRIST!”

DT3000: No, just strangely relaxed. I guess they had something to do with it. Then the car was suddenly in the air, and we were above the city. Like.. flying… <DT is in sincere awe at this point — Ed.>
MM: Ok, this is hard to swallow, but I’m listening.. what did you guys do?

whole city. 
MM: This was…Austin?
DT3000: Yes. And I realized I wasn’t in a car at all, but some sort of ship.. but it still kinda looked like the inside of a car.. I was getting more and more relaxed.. not drowsy, just happy and content.. I was taking in the sights.. at one point, I looked at Rick Martel.. who was kind of uh.. translucent at this point.. I could see.. two people at once.. one was like a hologram of Rick Martel, and underneath or.. like.. there was this alien creature. I can remember it vividly, and I was thinking “ok, I’ve never seen one of those things before..” and I just kind of looked at him.. it.. he was looking back, and then suddenly the Rick Martel hologram that was..err.. superimposed over him disappeared and I could fully see this alien.. at least I think that’s what it was.. I mean, I’d never seen anything like it before, so it’s hard to say what I was looking at..

DT3000: Well, its hard to say its a creature.. more like a .. guy.. but not human, and not like an alien you see on tv or whatever.. just a really different looking being. He had dull grey skin, a weird kind of tribal dress thing on.. with all these beads and shit.. and a weapon..
MM: What kind of .. weapon?

at all. 
MM: Ooook. So you guys.. flew around for a while then?
DT3000: No.. I don’t know.. I couldn’t stop looking at his ring.. it was like.. covered in like .. braille.. or something.. I was totally hypnotized by it, I couldn’t look away. And then…

In late November, 1983, AKA AB, Robert “Bob” Geldof, and Peter Blake were at Jackson Hole on Astoria Boulevard in Queens, New York. While Bob and Peter were enjoying the classic breakfast, AKA AB, who was, at this time, referring to himself simply as “Santa” (read more about AKA’s struggle with drug addiction in later instalments of this blog), was in one of his manic phases of making offbeat demands for specific things at restaurants. On this particular occasion, Bob and Peter were shocked and dismayed as they watched AKA pay the chef $202.46 for a pan of saucepan brownies (“with tons of nutmeg!” AKA laughingly recalled later). “We’ll be here a while, I guess”, Bob remarked, with a resigned sigh. So they hunkered down for a long discussion about their respective woes, which lead to a discussion of global concerns. It was during this repartee that Bob, looking at AKA in his gnarled Santa suit with his severely receded gum-line and extreme boniness, came up with the idea for the song “Do They Know Its Christmas?” “Initially, we were going to run with the theme of the homeless not knowing its Christmas…but we opted for a starvation theme instead.” It could have had something to do with AKA AB also having a tanning salon addiction at this time. “AKA was as dark as a fire-roasted nut…I always called him Santa Nut, because he looked like some crazy African shaman, and he was acting nuts!”, Blake said in a 2001 interview with Art Times. Fast forward to November 25, 1984, Sarm West Studios. “Ah, memories!” AKA AB brings us back to the time and place with his usual aplomb in an interview with HIT BY LIGHTNING magazine in 2007. “I remember Ure was trying to charge us $4000 for the use of the studio that day, and I pulled a knife on him, and got him to admit that it was Trevor (Horn)’s original intention to let us use it for free. What a shyster!” Sting, who was at the session, remembers this about AKA AB: “He kept criticizing my harmonies during the chorus.. he was standing behind me, and I had no idea who he was…he did this all day! I almost popped him in the kisser, the bastard! But he said “Don’t hit me, I’m The Skullion!” I said, “The which?” He was a total ass, drunk off of brandy, I think. Though (sic)…it turned out he was right about the harmonies.. I was a bit sharp, stab his little ears. What he lacked in social graces he made up for in musical accuracy.. I will never sing the word “feed” the same way again, after that day!”
The Double Betrayal
Christmas Eve, 1984. Delisle-Tron, known at this time as simply Tim Tronski, submits an application for a patent for Candy Cane flavoured iced-cream, and pays $10000 for the patent. An additional $5000 was paid to have the patent office clear the patent on Christmas Eve. Why? “Simply due to the imperative nature of the concept, as well as the fact that I had a competitor, by the name of Eric St-Pierre, who was then going by the name of Alaric St. Papére. He was, like I was at the time, an inventor, and business mogul based out of the Azores. It was odd, we both were millionaire inventors living in Ponta Delgada and for the longest time we didn’t even know each other existed.” Contrary to Delisle-Tron’s claims of mutual unawareness towards each other, St-Pierre tells it differently in a Fortune Magazine interview from 1986. “Yes, we’ve always known each other, Tim and I. We basically had a bit of a feud going, copying each other’s ideas for years…friendly back and forth at first… in an effort to see who could invent the first million dollar idea. Tim claims he was first, inventing a super accurate scale for world class fitness facilities, but the truth is that I was first, inventing a one-man helicopter that was you could actually lift of the ground with one hand (it was made of a super-secret plastic I also invented called Flowix), and pack into a special suitcase (which I also invented called X-Treme Valise). I call it the Helidink. Tim broke into my lab in 1979 and stole the blueprints, all the design profiles, on of the propellors, and even took the name. He patented the Helidink in 1980. In fact, he was in front of me in line that day at the patent office, which is the only reason he managed to do it first. He turned around and made that stupid “nyah!” face at me. I hate him. He is a scumbag! Of course, he flatly denies this. He made $500 000 from the Helidink by selling it to the Chinese military. Did I mention I hate him?” So it would appear that Tim, or Delisle-Tron as he insists on being called these days, had “done it again” that year on X-Mas eve. Candy Cane flavoured ice cream went on to become a billion dollar industry within 2 years, and it seemed that Eric’s life, in that time, had taken a dark turn. “I knew nothing but hate. I could not forgive him this time! Add to that we used to be friends and played in the ocean together.” But in this instance, Candy Cane ice-cream was an idea that came from Delisle-Tron’s deepest subconscious. “I call it a racial desire. Sometimes I detect these things. Humanity’s deepest urges often become clear to me,” DT3000 said in a lost interview. “He was living his dream…he’d purchased a coral in Nantucket and was living with girl who was from Nantucket, named Olivia…this was way before IDRM, by the way,” Eric said with a rueful glare to a friend over coffee and a delicious tea biscuit at Tim Horton’s one day in 2011, “Soooo..I had a moment of weakness. I flew to Nantucket, using the last of my earnings at the time, and banged his girlfriend when he was out of town. Then I banged her mom, just to make matters worse for him, and by the time he came back, I had left town again and was at a hostel in Liverpool. I haven’t seen him since, but I felt better about everything.” This became known as “The Double Betrayal” to Delisle-Tron, because he has gone on record as saying he also loved Olivia’s mom, so when he found out the truth, he felt doubly betrayed. 
The Big Cat {28450_519154266656_2871832_n.jpg} 
It was February, 1985. Young Bun was working on a solo album, and had briefly changed his name to just “Bun”. It was a high water mark for IDRM, and particularly Bun, who was hot coming off his latest album, “Bun Gun”. This album spawned the breakthrough hit, “Danger Zone”, later re-recorded for Top Gun by Kenny Loggins.”Kenny wanted to model his mid-eighties success after me.. he copped a lot of my style…but I was riding so high at that time, I didn’t notice. It was like a flea on a dog’s back. I was that dog. The big dog.” Perhaps serendipitously, it was around this time that Young Bun made his acquaintance with “The Big Cat”. It began one night in ’85 backstage at a Fleetwood Mac concert, there was a game Y.B. liked to call “riding the rails”. One epic incident occurred between Mick Fleetwood and The Big Cat, which was a contest to see who could snort a four foot line of coke the fastest. The Big Cat won, hands down, and Mick Fleetwood was taken to the hospital, and was thought to have partial brain damage. It was at this time that some serious partying began, which spanned the globe, and included a veritable who’s who of 80’s stars, such as Stevie Nicks, Billy Idol, Young Bun, Cyndi Lauper…and, as always, The Big Cat. But things weren’t what they seemed. The Big Cat ran with this crowd for the duration of the tour, but his connections were spurious at best. Rumours began to circulate that The Big Cat was a fraud, and actually had no business being on tour. “My manager? I thought he was doing lights for you!” Stevie Nicks once accused Soft Cell’s Marc Almond, who then said “Are you out of your mind? I always thought he was Bun’s smoke machine guy!” Billy Idol, in 2006, recalled “Big Cat once told me that he ran the biggest drug racket in South America.” He once backed it up his lofty claims by having a cement mixer back up to Billy Idol’s Stanmore, Middlesex home and fill Billy’s garage full of cocaine. “This was a surprise!” Billy said, coming home for Christmas in 1986. “Being a rich rock star, I was the first person in my hometown to own an automatic garage door opener. Me, me wife, and me dog come home, I clicked the thing, and suddenly it was white powder spewing everywhere…at first, I thought, how did my garage fill with snow? I’m going to fire that idiot who was ploughing my walkway! And then I realized…Big Cat was here!” But, as it turned out, none of the cocaine that The Big Cat was supposedly supplying to these music superstars was actually real cocaine. This was a confounding revelation for most, since The Big Cat’s cocaine supply had reached legendary proportions. But the truth is a complex thing, some say. Something of a ruse was discovered one time in late ’86 when some nameless roadie (his name was actually Jack Link) apparently O.D.’ed on some of The Big Cat’s apparently finest cocaine, called “8th Dwarf”. “Everyone was in on some of The Big Cat’s latest stash”, Bun recalled once on Celebrity Rehab, but this one roadie just ran into the room and jumped in a pile of it, started wolfing it down…eating it! Somebody grabbed him and then he started having convulsions. Some people were trying to call 9-1-1, a few others were trying to stop those people, yelling “no, he’s just a roadie!” but then I said “One single anonymous roadie is the heart and soul of this organization! If we all get busted, that’s how its gotta go down!”…that’s what I said, and I called 9-1-1 myself.” This is where things got interesting. The roadie was tested for drugs, and came up NEGATIVE. “We were all baffled!” Bun recalled of the incident. “The police couldn’t charge us, because all that white stuff that everyone thought was coke…wasn’t!” It was tested, and it turns out it just wasn’t coke at all…it was some sort of confectionary, mixed with something called bichloraneptrazine, or apoxaminedeproclezibine, or something, I don’t know, I’m not a pharmacist.” Bun continues, “So we were all getting high off this weird powder that The Big Cat kept bringing in, but apparently it wasn’t coke, it just simulated some of the effects.” There were those that were angry at The Big Cat for supplying pop stars with pseudo-coke, while others were amazed and excited about this new drug that was akin to cocaine, but wasn’t actually cocaine. For a while, it was referred to by people in the business as “coke’s cousin”, but eventually all this faded away as The Big Cat had left the scene, and there were no traces of the “drug” left anywhere. It had all been used up. Meanwhile, since the drug wasn’t actually a drug, but more of a placebo, The Big Cat wasn’t actually wanted for any criminal mischief. “No harm, no foul,” The Big Cat stated in his one and only interview in 2012 via Reddit. “I never wanted to hurt anyone.. I’m not a drug user, never have been. I’m a homebody, i read a lot of romance novels, I’m an avid gamer these days”. During the interview, a user named RednekRomio posed the question: “Hey Big Cat wat do u do anyway?”, to which The Big Cat responded, “I actually drive a Coke truck. Haha. Coca-Cola that is!”

Delisle-Tron’s Lucid Dream: The 2004 MM Interview

its entirety. 
MM: There are rumours abounding saying that Y.C. was seen getting fairly cozy with Milla Jovovich after the video shoot for “Mommy, Look How Tall I Am!” Care to comment?

any pizzas. 
MM: That is odd. You didn’t order any pizzas, eh?

after that. 
MM:

MM:
 Hm, what

after that. 
DT3000: That’s when things got really weird, man! <look of deep confusion and sadness–Ed.>
MM: <nervous laughter on my part, he was kind of freaking out at this point–Ed.> Haha oh really, howso?

this mall. 
MM: The security guy didn’t see you come in after him?

other end, about 200 feet away, with the

of glass doorways,doorways and shit I just came through, so I figured I’d slip out the other side.
MM: What about the pizza guy?
DT3000:
 I think he saw me go in, but it was dark in the mall, and he kind of walked up the doors, and couldn’t see anything, and left. 
MM: haha so you’re in this mall now.. 
DT3000: I just kind of walked quickly to the other side, and that’s when i got a call from Milla, and I could hear partying in the background… she said to meet her somewhere. It was all garbled, I couldn’t hear her, but I did hear her say something about a mall, and then the signal got cut off. I was like “What the fuck, how does she know I’m in a mall?” But I didn’t really hear her that well… As I got to the other side, I just basically went out the exit and was standing at this bus stop in the mall parking lot, which was empty. Just then, a car zoomed through the parking lot, weaving and being all crazy.. I watched it thinking “Ok, some fucking yahoos are driving around this empty parking lot at 1am.. great!” Then the car came over.. it was a black Miata. In the car were three guys, and they all looked at me. That’s when I realized I knew these guys. 
MM: You knew them?
DT3000: Yeah, they were all pro wrestlers, and one said “Hey DT, what ya sayin bro?” It was Dino Bravo. 
MM: Ok.. uh.. he’s a wrestler, I guess..?
DT3000: Yeah, one of my favs, and there was Brian Pillman, and Rick Martel. 
MM: That is really.. umm…
DT3000: Crazy, right! They’re like “Get in, man, room for one more!” So I was so taken aback that I just was like “Alllright!” and I jump in, but I had this weird feeling. When the car took off, I was like “FUCKING JESUS CHRIST!”
MM: <says nothing, just looks at DT–Ed.>
DT3000: I realized the second the car started moving that two of these guys are…like.. dead, and the other guy is like 50 or something, but he looked about 30…
MM: Oh man.. what the fuck?
DT3000: Yeah.. I started freaking out. But that only lasted about 1 second, then suddenly I was calm. I don’t know how. They just said, “We’re just gonna cruise, man, chill out and cruise with us…” and I said “Ok” but my voice seemed all weird and distant. I didn’t care though.
MM: This is unbelievable! Were you ..high?
DT3000: No, just strangely relaxed. I guess they had something to do with it. Then the car was suddenly in the air, and we were above the city. Like.. flying… <DT is in sincere awe at this point — Ed.>
MM: Ok, this is hard to swallow, but I’m listening.. what did you guys do?
DT3000: We flew around the city for a while, I could look down at the whole city. 
MM: This was…Austin?
DT3000: Yes. And I realized I wasn’t in a car at all, but some sort of ship.. but it still kinda looked like the inside of a car.. I was getting more and more relaxed.. not drowsy, just happy and content.. I was taking in the sights.. at one point, I looked at Rick Martel.. who was kind of uh.. translucent at this point.. I could see.. two people at once.. one was like a hologram of Rick Martel, and underneath or.. like.. there was this alien creature. I can remember it vividly, and I was thinking “ok, I’ve never seen one of those things before..” and I just kind of looked at him.. it.. he was looking back, and then suddenly the Rick Martel hologram that was..err.. superimposed over him disappeared and I could fully see this alien.. at least I think that’s what it was.. I mean, I’d never seen anything like it before, so it’s hard to say what I was looking at..
MM: Care to describe this creature?
DT3000: Well, its hard to say its a creature.. more like a .. guy.. but not human, and not like an alien you see on tv or whatever.. just a really different looking being. He had dull grey skin, a weird kind of tribal dress thing on.. with all these beads and shit.. and a weapon..
MM: What kind of .. weapon?
DT3000: It was like a scythe.. but not pointy, it was rounded, but still sharp looking.. and with colours on the blade… this ..uh.. being was all dusty like he was almost like an old native from the wild west or something.. like an indian.. but his face.. he had kind of square teeth that were far apart, and missing some teeth.. he had black eyes with little points of white in them.. he had his scythe-thingy hanging out the window and it was.. it was making noise because the wind was hitting the blade.. <chuckles a bit –Ed.> He.. it had three dots on his forehead, no hair, small horns growing out of his head, and big horse feet.. or .. hooves.. Oh, and he also had like 7 or 8 fingers on each hand.. I got kind of hypnotized by this ring he had on, because it was on two fingers at once.. he looked at me and said: “Don’t look at my ring, ok?” and he said it in english, but it was like.. overdubbed.. I could hear this other language underneath it, and it was NOT english at all. 
MM: Ooook. So you guys.. flew around for a while then?
DT3000: No.. I don’t know.. I couldn’t stop looking at his ring.. it was like.. covered in like .. braille.. or something.. I was totally hypnotized by it, I couldn’t look away. And then…
MM: …?
DT3000: ..I felt a sharp pain on my forehead and I .. woke up somewhere. I was in the prop room of the video shoot.. I was lying on the floor, and I guess somehow a bucket had hit me in the head, because it was kind of rolling a bit next to me, the bucket.. and my head fucking killed. I was like “Where am I? How did I get here?”
MM: Oh, so .. uh.. well, how’d you get there, you don’t remember?
DT3000: No. I… got a text from Milla.. actually, like two or three saying “DT where are you?” and “DT answer me no one can find you”.. so I guess.. I don’t know, I guess I’d wandered back there..
<at this point DT just got up and left the interview.. he didn’t say goodbye and he actually ran out–Ed.>

Mr. Vista {427867_405274312878051_1751941303_n.jpg} 
In 2005, IDRM were pow-wowing on Miami Beach, Florida, which is where they “lost” AKA. “That guy…he’s unpredictable.” There were tears, and there were tans, and bodacious babes galore, as usual, and after a 24-hour manic “We need to get ourselves together!” self-pep talk, IDRM, proceeded to do what they did best, which is to launch a full-scale world tour. After their snub that year at the NME Awards ceremony, with the disappearance of AKA?, IDRM was down to two. “We were like a three-legged horse that had lost another leg…what good is a two-legged horse to anyone, particular in the race of a lifetime??” YC said. Recruiting guitarist Blackbird McKnightto play, of all things, synths and perform falsetto vocals, IDRM began their globetrotting adventures once again. It was a coke-fueled ordeal, but only in the IDRM camp, and then, only in Young Coconut’s dressing room with himself, the crew, and a few of the backup dancers. The tour consisted of IDRM, Silverchair, Bjork, and Portishead. “We imagined it would be a very lucrative venture. Silverchair was making a big comeback. At the time, I thought we had all the right ingredients for a hit tour!” Delisle-Tron remarked, casually munching on some jerky during an interview with Touring Musician magazine in 2009. It was in the Icelandic city of Hafnarfjörður where they rendezvoused with Bjork, and were introduced, through her, to Mr. Vista.

If ever there was a slump for IDRM, it was in the Winter of 2002-2003. It was Christmas 2002 and Delisle-Tron 3000 and AKA AB were held up in a sleazy motel, which they’d bought, and dubbed “The Purposeless Wayfarer’s Inn and Bingo Hall”. One entire room (110A) was strictly a storage locker for magazines featuring articles on the band. And every day, reeking of tequila, AKA AB would go into that room and roll around in the magazines. Delisle-Tron later said, “It was like he was Scrooge MacDuck, except it wasn’t money, it was magazines…I couldn’t stop him. I was either doing laps in the motel pool or resting in my room…all day, every day. There was no point anymore. I had eyes, but could not see.” It was then, on December 24th, that the AKA AB heard someone trying to unlock the door to 110A. “I was in the room, asleep in the magazines, and I heard this scratching noise…I waited for it to go away but eventually I realized, someone was trying to break in! I said: “Go away, its 4pm…” Suddenly, the door came crashing down and in walks…someone with dreads down to their ass!” Young Coconut literally dragged AKA AB’s inert-from-shock body to 216C where Delisle-Tron was watching The 5th Element with his then girlfriend, Milla Jovovich. “It wasn’t even weird…” Delisle-Tron said in his 2005 Cinescape interview. It was then that Young Coconut introduced himself to his bandmates as an entirely new person, “A lot’s changed, I’m Young Coconut now…” and from there they all held each other and cried, even Milla Jovovitch sobbed, caught up in the emotion of the moment. It was a reunion unlike any other.. but it wasn’t time for a new strategy yet. They had best sleep on it. But first, they decided to watch just one episode of Entertainment Tonight together, like old times. That is when they saw the band that would prove to rouse them from their creative slumber. Fronted by the enigmatic Bluisk Pynk, the Monsters of Myth were a combination of everything that IDRM were, at the time, not. Jammy, spacey, experimental, with creativity and je-ne-sais-quoi? galore, they also had the one thing that IDRM had lost, what seemed like, for good…the dogmatic discipline to write amazing pop songs! That night IDRM stayed up and watched The Monsters of Myth on every entertainment show on every channel, because they were blowing up huge, and were literally to be found on every channel. AKA AB did nothing but eat Sweet Chili Heat Doritos and stare, dumbfounded, but Delisle-Tron was in a bit better mental and physical shape, so he did the sensible thing and became taking reams of notes on this new upstart band. He wanted to unlock the tangled mystery of this band. How could they be so..formidable, so quickly? But Young Coconut was there to remind them all, “We are not their competition. We have fallen from grace…it is up to us now to rise to the challenge and enter a new age of greatness for this band!” (taken from “Krocktor on Krocktor”). The next day, it is said, that AKA AB lit a match and deliberately tossed in into the “mag room”, thereby burning down the entire motel. The band fervently denies this, but within weeks was known to reap $8 million in insurance money. With this “blood money”, as some called it, they all hired personal trainers and got into the best shape of their lives. By February 2003, IDRM was back in the studio, and living high off the hog. They rented out Sound Studios in Van Nuys and attempted to write their own “Rumours”.
It was under a mountain of white powder that Bluisk Pynk found the members of IDRM on February 15th, 2003. “We were having a gluten-free flour fight,” Young Coconut said of the meeting, “and in walks Bluisk and we’re each holding a fist full of flour and we’re all coughing and laughing…we turn to look at him and you don’t know how hard it was to not throw the flour at him.. he was wearing this baby blue suit and a white tie, and had his hands behind his back.. he looked so smug, as if to say “I win, you lose”. But, in truth, nothing could be further from the truth. Bluisk only wanted to stop by to congratulate IDRM on a job well done. IDRM had released an advance single the first week of February, and it was a real return-to-form. The single, “Mommy, Look How Tall I Am!” was a true pop classic, in every sense of the word. Like a true gentleman, and also as a fan of excellently written songs, Bluisk Pynk just came to offer IDRM a kind word. What IDRM did not understand about Bluisk Pynk was that this was not a man of avarice, his soul was as pure as a mountain stream. At the same time, The Monsters of Myth were, perhaps not coincidentally, at their own studio, set up at Headley Grange and recording what would become their own big breakthrough album, “Solid as Steel But Is But Soft As Snow (S.A.S.B.U.B.S.A.S.)”
Delisle-Tron’s Lucid Dream: The 2004 MM Interview
In Spring 2004, a Portland ‘zine called Middle Management did an interview with Delisle-Tron 3000, and it was at this time that he divulged some information which has been suppressed to this day by the IDRM P.R. team. A lawsuit was filed shortly thereafter by IDRM’s lawyers, and the ‘zine was actually discontinued, under mysterious circumstances due to this issue. Astonishingly, Middle Management’s main editor, Korbyn Buthweed, has made no comment since the lawsuit. But, this being the age of information, the interview has surfaced, and it can be found here in its entirety. 
MM: There are rumours abounding saying that Y.C. was seen getting fairly cozy with Milla Jovovich after the video shoot for “Mommy, Look How Tall I Am!” Care to comment?
DT3000: I do remember there was some sort of afterparty that night. It was a strange night. We all got separated. I remember something weird happened. I was trying to get into the Hummer-Limo with my posse, but was waylaid <rubs temples as if straining to remember what happened–Ed.>.. yeah, I was stopped by a pizza guy who was shoving this interac thing in my face saying I had to pay for a dozen pizzas I’d ordered. He was all fired up for some reason, and I didn’t order any pizzas and didn’t want to deal with this dude, so I was stuck trying to tell him I didn’t order any pizzas. 
MM: That is odd. You didn’t order any pizzas, eh?
DT3000: No, maybe someone ordered them as a joke and said they were me. I don’t know, but everyone else left in the Hummer-Limo and I don’t know where they went after that. 
MM: Hm, what happened after that. 
DT3000: That’s when things got really weird, man! <look of deep confusion and sadness–Ed.>
MM: <nervous laughter on my part, he was kind of freaking out at this point–Ed.> Haha oh really, howso?
DT3000: Well, after like half an hour I managed to ditch that pizza guy, who was trying to call the cops and just going bananas. I just kept backing away from him, and then I saw this security guy head into this mall, and it was one of those slow-closing doors. I managed to catch it before it closed and just like slipped into this mall. 
MM: The security guy didn’t see you come in after him?
DT3000: He only went in like 10 seconds before I did, but once I was in this mall, I didn’t see him. It was a small mall, and I could see the other end, with the same type of glass doorways, so I figured I

Mr. Vista {427867_405274312878051_1751941303_n.jpg} 
In 2005, IDRM were pow-wowing on Miami Beach, Florida, which is where they “lost” AKA. “That guy…he’s unpredictable.” There were tears, and there were tans, and bodacious babes galore, as usual, and after a 24-hour manic “We need to get ourselves together!” self-pep talk, IDRM, proceeded to do what they did best, which is to launch a full-scale world tour. After their snub that year at the NME Awards ceremony, with the disappearance of AKA?, IDRM was down to two. “We were like a three-legged horse that had lost another leg…what good is a two-legged horse to anyone, particular in the race of a lifetime??” YC said. Recruiting guitarist Blackbird McKnightto play, of all things, synths and perform falsetto vocals, IDRM began their globetrotting adventures once again. It was a coke-fueled ordeal, but only in the IDRM camp, and then, only in Young Coconut’s dressing room with himself, the crew, and a few of the backup dancers. The tour consisted of IDRM, Silverchair, Bjork, and Portishead. “We imagined it would be a very lucrative venture. Silverchair was making a big comeback. At the time, I thought we had all the right ingredients for a hit tour!” Delisle-Tron remarked, casually munching on some jerky during an interview with Touring Musician magazine in 2009. It was in the Icelandic city of Hafnarfjörður where they rendezvoused with Bjork, and were introduced, through her, to Mr. Vista.

The Cult of Us (2002)
Like the Beatles before them IDRM did what any self-not-respecting band would do in the face of flagging record sales: join a cult! “It wasn’t a cult!” AKA AB was always the first to snap back at doubters, defilers, and detractors. But it was…The Cult of Us purported themselves as a self-help group with a particular emphasis on extremely positive self-talk. D.D.Krocktor wrote, in his 2010 memoir, “Krocktor on Krocktor: My Pact With The Devil (By: Young Coconut ne Young Bun)”, “Every day it was my sworn duty to look myself in the eye…actually, the way they phrased it was “Look into the eye of your eye”…which makes no sense in retrospect, I realize, but essentially, you had to look into your own eyes and say “You are the best, best, BEST friend I could ever have!” Their motto, “You and me makes we and we are us!” The group was officially called, according to tax records, The Seeing Fist Unclenched. It was a cross between a church group, a self-help group, and a splash of Scientological sci-fi. “There were always lots of hot girls” said Delisle-tron 3000, “that was their calling card and what drew you in…all of these super-positive, really attractive 22-year-old girls were always there, and ready to lend an ear.” At the head of this duplicitous organization was a man named Cheng Yow Kee, a man who walked with an almost Bruce Lee-type of confidence. “They reminded me of airline stewardesses..” AKA AB once remarked. The band joined this group, and quickly became proponents for its happy-go-lucky sloganeering cries for peace, love, and happiness. It was late-August 2002, and the public was pining for another hit single from IDRM, as they’d come to expect at least one big summer single from the band every single year since 1998. Was this year to be the exception? It was just in time for back-to-school that IDRM released “Happy See Happy Do”, based on the “philosophies” (which he called philos-happies) of Cheng Yow Kee and The Seeing Fist Unclenched. “Happy as a rock rollin’ splashy splashy splash though the puddle by gum!” went the song’s refrain. The public, although now used to insipid lyrics by the likes of the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync, did not take kindly to this song. When the single tanked, IDRM was then dropped from their label, Mercury Records, and at this point spent most of their time seeking consolation with their many female “group-friends” from TSFU (The Seeing Fist Unclenched). “We all lived in the same building, which was bought by the organization…” Delisle-tron 3000 said in a 2011 MOJO interview, “We’d get up together, eat together, shower together.. cry together! It was emotionally, and, for some of us, sexually… draining! But I’ll never forget what some of those girls did for me personally.” When asked if there were any men in this organization other than them and Cheng Yow Kee, who was never actually seen save for video conferences via Skype, Delisle-tron said…[sic] “This is not known. Next question, please.”
{the cult of us.jpg} 
The public outcry at IDRM’s decent into this strange cult was like a shot heard round the world. No more music was being made. Tabloids were having a field day. At this point, D.D. Krocktor pulled a Ringo and said “I’ve had it!” and took the next flight to Jamaica to go on vacation. It was on this trip where D.D. Krocktor met a new guru, one Augustine Demarche, who gave him the name Young Coconut. They met on a mountaintop where the old guru said to D.D.Krocktor, “Now ya listen, ya silly man! Coconuts be a-savin’ ‘ting for tha world ya no, and ya must change your name ‘mediately if ya want to take a piece of their life-givin’ measures, Jah be praised!” From that moment on, D.D. Krocktor shed his admittedly ridiculous moniker and traded it for the relatively life-affirming “Young Coconut”, which used a part of his given name, Young. “Augustine wanted me to be called “The Coconut”, but I suggested “Young Coconut and he liked it very much. We sat around his hut all night drinking scotch from coconuts and being fanned and fed peeled grapes. I said, “Where did you get grapes? This is Jamaica!” and he said “Ya can’t always be eatin’ da peeled banana ‘man!” Haha! He is hilarious!”” “Nothing good ever happened to me when I was named Daniel-Day Krocktor,” Y.C. stated in his Rolling Stone cover article in 2012, “Riches beyond my wildest imaginings? Sure. The finest women walking the earth? Of course. But those things are all .. surface things. I was missing something here (points to his heart). See what i mean? That’s what was missing..and now I’ve found it.” It was also in Jamaica that a rejuvenated, revitalized Young Coconut recorded his critically acclaimed album, “On Vacation”, which went on to sell 500 000 copies in South Africa and another 50 000 in Hobart, Tazmania, in one hour, a world record!
Back in Sussex, AKA AB and Delisle-Tron 3000 were putting the finishing touches on the next IDRM single “You Really Bother Me Sometimes” (their self-substantiated return to a “darker vibe”, modelled after Nine Inch Nails’ “The Fragile”). It was a conflicted time. They had flown in a photographer from Ontario, Canada, John Jameson, to capture their new more brooding look. But without D.D. Krocktor, their hearts just weren’t in it. “When we heard playbacks of the new single, we pretended to like it..at least I did..but I knew there was something wrong because we didn’t write it with D.D. He left for Jamaica, and we didn’t hear anything for three solid months! So we had to go ahead without him…it was a sad time for us. Even our normally materialistic, narcissistic, emotionally dead girlfriends seemed kind of sad!” IDRM was suddenly a two piece, and to reflect the new sound, the guys cut their hair and applied a little bit of eyeliner. Jameson, the band photographer then as now, reflects on the photo shoot, “I must have taken 300 photos from every conceivable angle, and not one shot was a keeper. When I was back in Kitchener, going through the shots, and kept thinking how sullen and disgruntled they looked..like little sulky babies!” In addition, the public’s reaction to the band’s new direction was not exactly what was expected. The song “leaked” onto Napster about a month before its actual release, and, compounded with the new “gothic” look of the band, fans and critics alike were skewering IDRM like they never had before. IDRM, the band “brand” if not the persons behind it all, were taking a pounding. Little did they know that D.D.Krocktor had exited stage left, tophat, cane, and all…and somewhere in the jungles of Jamaica was a man called “Young Coconut”, visible only from the trail of smoke ascending into the sky from his hut in the middle of the wilderness.

After collectively graduating university with triple top honours (each of them had an average of 98%) Delisle-tron 3000, and Daniel-Day Kroktor took a collective creative nosedive. Things were looking grim for IDRM. Incessant arguing over album artwork, the musical direction of the band (Aka AB? wanted to replicate, to a “T”, the career arc, singles-wise, of Take That), and the parsing of each other’s intimate relationships with eurotrash supermodels (Aka AB? being the exception exclusively pursuing Natalie Portman lookalikes) but never the ultimately spelled the band’s demise. Aka AB? once famously stated: “I don’t know what’s worse, that is; knowing it was my own myopic subjugation of the music that lead to the ultimate compromise which, in turn, lead to the dissolution of IDRM, or what!?” This quote is of cultural relevance because it was adopted as a slogan which was ironed (verbatim) onto countless Japanese teenager’s T-shirts in 2007 by a company known as SHU ZSU INC.
The lawsuit between SHU ZSU INC. and IDRM took up the better half of 2008 and has been compared to Pearl Jam’s battle with Ticketmaster in 2001, according to several sources (see: appendix 10), or Metallica’s famous Napster debacle, with Daniel-Day Krocktor standing in as Lars Ulrich. Eerily coincidentally, Delisle-tron 3000 went into rehab for coffee and Chocolate addiction. “Nut…(sic) is a perfect genetic algorithm for happiness” he stated from his bed in Cedars-Sinai.

Gustov Fedoseev {lenins.png}{2013earlyradiohead260313.jpg} {idrm john and bun.jpg} {lenins.png} The Flying
Genres:
Pop/Rock

In 2000 the Felt Pens changed their name to IDRM, which is an acronym that the band made up and then forgot what it stands for.
Pre-IDRM (1950-1995)
{products-asian-man-smiling-white-450-298.jpg} Cheng Yow Kee in 1996, Founder of The Cult of Us
The Cult of Us (2002)
Like the Beatles before them IDRM did what any self-not-respecting band would do in the face of flagging record sales: join a cult! “It wasn’t a cult!” AKA AB was always the first to snap back at doubters, defilers, and detractors. But it was…The Cult of Us purported themselves as a self-help group with a particular emphasis on extremely positive self-talk. D.D.Krocktor wrote, in his 2010 memoir, “Krocktor on Krocktor: My Pact With The Devil (By: Young Coconut ne Young Bun)”, “Every day it was my sworn duty to look myself in the eye…actually, the way they phrased it was “Look into the eye of your eye”…which makes no sense in retrospect, I realize, but essentially, you had to look into your own eyes and say “You are the best, best, BEST friend I could ever have!” Their motto, “You and me makes we and we are us!” The group was officially called, according to tax records, The Seeing Fist Unclenched. It was a cross between a church group, a self-help group, and a splash of Scientological sci-fi. “There were always lots of hot girls” said Delisle-tron 3000, “that was their calling card and what drew you in…all of these super-positive, really attractive 22-year-old girls were always there, and ready to lend an ear.” At the head of this duplicitous organization was a man named Cheng Yow Kee, a man who walked with an almost Bruce Lee-type of confidence. “They reminded me of airline stewardesses..” AKA AB once remarked. The band joined this group, and quickly became proponents for its happy-go-lucky sloganeering cries for peace, love, and happiness. It was late-August 2002, and the public was pining for another hit single from IDRM, as they’d come to expect at least one big summer single from the band every single year since 1998. Was this year to be the exception? It was just in time for back-to-school that IDRM released “Happy See Happy Do”, based on the “philosophies” (which he called philos-happies) of Cheng Yow Kee and The Seeing Fist Unclenched. “Happy as a rock rollin’ splashy splashy splash though the puddle by gum!” went the song’s refrain. The public, although now used to insipid lyrics by the likes of the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync, did not take kindly to this song. When the single tanked, IDRM was then dropped from their label, Mercury Records, and at this point spent most of their time seeking consolation with their many female “group-friends” from TSFU (The Seeing Fist Unclenched). “We all lived in the same building, which was bought by the organization…” Delisle-tron 3000 said in a 2011 MOJO interview, “We’d get up together, eat together, shower together.. cry together! It was emotionally, and, for some of us, sexually… draining! But I’ll never forget what some of those girls did for me personally.” When asked if there were any men in this organization other than them and Cheng Yow Kee, who was never actually seen save for video conferences via Skype, Delisle-tron said…[sic] “This is not known. Next question, please.”

In late November, 1983, AKA AB, Robert “Bob” Geldof, and Peter Blake were at Jackson Hole on Astoria Boulevard in Queens, New York. While Bob and Peter were enjoying the classic breakfast, AKA AB, who was, at this time, referring to himself simply as “Santa” (read more about AKA’s struggle with drug addiction in later instalments of this blog), was in one of his manic phases of making offbeat demands for specific things at restaurants. On this particular occasion, Bob and Peter were shocked and dismayed as they watched AKA pay the chef $202.46 for a pan of saucepan brownies (“with tons of nutmeg!” AKA laughingly recalled later). “We’ll be here a while, I guess”, Bob remarked, with a resigned sigh. So they hunkered down for a long discussion about their respective woes, which lead to a discussion of global concerns. It was during this repartee that Bob, looking at AKA in his gnarled Santa suit with his severely receded gum-line and extreme boniness, came up with the idea for the song “Do They Know Its Christmas?” “Initially, we were going to run with the theme of the homeless not knowing its Christmas…but we opted for a starvation theme instead.” It could have had something to do with AKA AB also having a tanning salon addiction at this time. “AKA was as dark as a fire-roasted nut…I always called him Santa Nut, because he looked like some crazy African shaman, and he was acting nuts!”, Blake said in a 2001 interview with Art Times. Fast forward to November 25, 1984, Sarm West Studios. “Ah, memories!” AKA AB brings us back to the time and place with his usual aplomb in an interview with HIT BY LIGHTNING magazine in 2007. “I remember Ure was trying to charge us $4000 for the use of the studio that day, and I pulled a knife on him, and got him to admit that it was Trevor (Horn)’s original intention to let us use it for free. What a shyster!” Sting, who was at the session, remembers this about AKA AB: “He kept criticizing my harmonies during the chorus.. he was standing behind me, and I had no idea who he was…he did this all day! I almost popped him in the kisser, the bastard! But he said “Don’t hit me, I’m The Skullion!” I said, “The which?” He was a total ass, drunk off of brandy, I think. Though (sic)…it turned out he was right about the harmonies.. I was a bit sharp, stab his little ears. What he lacked in social graces he made up for in musical accuracy.. I will never sing the word “feed” the same way again, after that day!”
The Double Betrayal

purchased a coralcorral in Nantucket

doubly betrayed. 
The Big Cat {28450_519154266656_2871832_n.jpg} 
It was February, 1985. Young Bun was working on a solo album, and had briefly changed his name to just “Bun”. It was a high water mark for IDRM, and particularly Bun, who was hot coming off his latest album, “Bun Gun”. This album spawned the breakthrough hit, “Danger Zone”, later re-recorded for Top Gun by Kenny Loggins.”Kenny wanted to model his mid-eighties success after me.. he copped a lot of my style…but I was riding so high at that time, I didn’t notice. It was like a flea on a dog’s back. I was that dog. The big dog.” Perhaps serendipitously, it was around this time that Young Bun made his acquaintance with “The Big Cat”. It began one night in ’85 backstage at a Fleetwood Mac concert, there was a game Y.B. liked to call “riding the rails”. One epic incident occurred between Mick Fleetwood and The Big Cat, which was a contest to see who could snort a four foot line of coke the fastest. The Big Cat won, hands down, and Mick Fleetwood was taken to the hospital, and was thought to have partial brain damage. It was at this time that some serious partying began, which spanned the globe, and included a veritable who’s who of 80’s stars, such as Stevie Nicks, Billy Idol, Young Bun, Cyndi Lauper…and, as always, The Big Cat. But things weren’t what they seemed. The Big Cat ran with this crowd for the duration of the tour, but his connections were spurious at best. Rumours began to circulate that The Big Cat was a fraud, and actually had no business being on tour. “My manager? I thought he was doing lights for you!” Stevie Nicks once accused Soft Cell’s Marc Almond, who then said “Are you out of your mind? I always thought he was Bun’s smoke machine guy!” Billy Idol, in 2006, recalled “Big Cat once told me that he ran the biggest drug racket in South America.” He once backed it up his lofty claims by having a cement mixer back up to Billy Idol’s Stanmore, Middlesex home and fill Billy’s garage full of cocaine. “This was a surprise!” Billy said, coming home for Christmas in 1986. “Being a rich rock star, I was the first person in my hometown to own an automatic garage door opener. Me, me wife, and me dog come home, I clicked the thing, and suddenly it was white powder spewing everywhere…at first, I thought, how did my garage fill with snow? I’m going to fire that idiot who was ploughing my walkway! And then I realized…Big Cat was here!” But, as it turned out, none of the cocaine that The Big Cat was supposedly supplying to these music superstars was actually real cocaine. This was a confounding revelation for most, since The Big Cat’s cocaine supply had reached legendary proportions. But the truth is a complex thing, some say. Something of a ruse was discovered one time in late ’86 when some nameless roadie (his name was actually Jack Link) apparently O.D.’ed on some of The Big Cat’s apparently finest cocaine, called “8th Dwarf”. “Everyone was in on some of The Big Cat’s latest stash”, Bun recalled once on Celebrity Rehab, but this one roadie just ran into the room and jumped in a pile of it, started wolfing it down…eating it! Somebody grabbed him and then he started having convulsions. Some people were trying to call 9-1-1, a few others were trying to stop those people, yelling “no, he’s just a roadie!” but then I said “One single anonymous roadie is the heart and soul of this organization! If we all get busted, that’s how its gotta go down!”…that’s what I said, and I called 9-1-1 myself.” This is where things got interesting. The roadie was tested for drugs, and came up NEGATIVE. “We were all baffled!” Bun recalled of the incident. “The police couldn’t charge us, because all that white stuff that everyone thought was coke…wasn’t!” It was tested, and it turns out it just wasn’t coke at all…it was some sort of confectionary, mixed with something called bichloraneptrazine, or apoxaminedeproclezibine, or something, I don’t know, I’m not a pharmacist.” Bun continues, “So we were all getting high off this weird powder that The Big Cat kept bringing in, but apparently it wasn’t coke, it just simulated some of the effects.” There were those that were angry at The Big Cat for supplying pop stars with pseudo-coke, while others were amazed and excited about this new drug that was akin to cocaine, but wasn’t actually cocaine. For a while, it was referred to by people in the business as “coke’s cousin”, but eventually all this faded away as The Big Cat had left the scene, and there were no traces of the “drug” left anywhere. It had all been used up. Meanwhile, since the drug wasn’t actually a drug, but more of a placebo, The Big Cat wasn’t actually wanted for any criminal mischief. “No harm, no foul,” The Big Cat stated in his one and only interview in 2012 via Reddit. “I never wanted to hurt anyone.. I’m not a drug user, never have been. I’m a homebody, i read a lot of romance novels, I’m an avid gamer these days”. During the interview, a user named RednekRomio posed the question: “Hey Big Cat wat do u do anyway?”, to which The Big Cat responded, “I actually drive a Coke truck. Haha. Coca-Cola that is!”

IDRM\IDRM
{IMG_7850_p_bio_sm.jpg} IDRM in Copenhagen {IMG_7416_psm.jpg} IDRM at a fan’s birthday party in Ancaster (superfan Margaret Leibowitz paid $1 million for the band to play)
==

“He has created some of the most elaborate light-shows audiences had ever seen. Bonnaroo, Burning Man, Leeds, Mr. Vista had been there and done that, let me tell you!” Delisle-Tron and Young Coconut said in near perfect unison. His signature is giant lasers. “If its a really big laser, I call it a “lazur””, Mr. Vista once reported to People Who Love Lasers magazine in 2010. Bjork apparently had a fling with Mr. Vista, which she later denied, but several third parties claimed it was indeed the case. One anonymous music industry mole remarked, in a long-forgotten Bjork fanzine called “Human Behaviour”, “yes, she was so fond of his lazers.. and also his really big lasers.. his lazurs. She was in love with him for his ability to manipulate light.. I once heard her say that she thought he was a true magician! She used to call him her “sweet sweet merlin”…” If you ask Mr. Vista himself, his take is much more modest. “Yeah, I am good at what I do. Really good. In fact, better than everyone else, but its no big deal. Being the best is no big deal, it really isn’t. Some people change the world just cause that’s what they were born to do.. Maybe that’s me. I mean, it is…”
There was a lawsuit in 2004 due to an experimental “olfactory device malfunction”, where a machine designed by Mr. Vista went a little haywire. “Sting ended up being sued, because it happened on his tour,” said Vista, “but it was my machine.. my baby.. but Sting commissioned me to build it. It was neither his fault, nor mine. Some kids snuck backstage, and started messing with it. It was bad, man…” The machine, dubbed “TheBumpNGryndr”, was akin to a smoke machine, but instead of smoke, it filled the venue with a sort of aphrodisiac scent, in a mild vapourous form. “Sting had this really sort of erotic set prepared, he said it was for lovers” said Vista of the Sting tour, “so why not add to the atmosphere with a pinch of something to really get people in the mood… I figured, hey, it can be done, I can do it no problem, and if its a small dose, people will just be slightly aroused, not a big deal at all… maybe just some earlobe nibbling, you know..(sic)Sting already had candles, purple satin curtains, totem poles, all sorts of weird pseudo-erotic imagery on stage”.. “But these kids, they flipped all the levers, and ran out.. security caught them, but by then it was too late”.. The smell, derived of panther sweat, polar bear tears, and even bat wings, was later lambasted in the film Anchorman. “The funny thing was, the bat wings were a necessary ingredient to make this scent properly..people always joke about witches throwing batwings into their brew, but in this case, I really needed to add them.” Vista reported in his Cosmo article, “Vista: When the Lights get low, who’s gonna know?”.. “Actually,” Vista said, “I talked to Paul Rudd about a year before they wrote Anchorman, and he was like “Ha, that’s hilarious! I’m totally using it for my next movie” and I said “That’s not funny…if you were there you wouldn’t be snickering, Paul”. Indeed, set to *maximum*, TheBumpNGryndr sent audience, particularly women, into a sexual frenzy. People sort of lost their minds. Mostly, it was women assaulting men. Some people ripped off their clothes, but then sort of went crazy and started throwing chairs, and in some cases, just rolling around on the floor and snarling. Since the scent-distribution was going through the sprinkler system, which was mainly at the back of the venue, it took longer to reach the stage area, which gave Sting a chance to get a giant fire-hose up and running (the venue was an old firehall), and so Sting and a few backup dancers were blasting people with the hose from the stage. The security got involved, those that weren’t in the thrall of the aphrodisiac, and tried to restrain people from sexually assaulting each other. Luckily, no one was violated. After this concert, Mr. Vista was effectively fired from Sting’s tour, but got off lucky, since Sting threatened to sue Mr. Vista to the effect of $300 000 000.
AK AJB?’s Darkest Hour
As has been mentioned, IDRM were in the grips of a no-holds-barred lawsuit/counterlawsuit with SHU ZSU INC. in 2008 that left the band’s entire future in question. Were the allegations true? Did an actual clone of Natalie Portman exist (purportedly created by SHU ZSU INC.) and was this exact sexy duplicate living some renegade life in rural England, evading taxes and honeymooning with AK AJB? – a known Natalie Portman-lookalike-serial-dater — under the influence of some mysterious panty-removing narcotic? Was their alleged marriage a cover-up for something…perhaps a distraction from the poor sales of their late 2008 single, “Liason with a Lazerbeam”, with its equally shunned B-side, “She Done Seen My 1ITT”. It was clear that SHU ZSU INC. was not without reproach for their actions. It was clear they were not just the innocent Men-Seeking-Asian-Female Dating Site they claimed to be in the ads. IDRM fans had their eyebrows collectively raised, not to mention many global authorities, who were trying to bring AK AJB? in for questioning. Were it not for Mr. Vista’s intervention which saved the proverbial day – a sequence of events that deserves its own chapter in IDRM history, IDRM may have been, to put it bluntly, dog chow. And Rover (the world media, not to mention the IDRM blogger community) looked hungry! Now here’s a fancy twist…get this. The man who was in charge of both the Digital Orphan Squad, as well as the creator the the NP3 series of Natalie clones, Eggbert Egmus, had a sudden and profound change of heart, turning his back on SHU ZSU’s magnanamous young president, Duke Lindros. 

Pre-IDRM (1950-1995)
{hiking-vacations-james-bond-movies.jpg} 

(view changes)

There was a lawsuit in 2004 due to an experimental “olfactory device malfunction”, where a machine designed by Mr. Vista went a little haywire. “Sting ended up being sued, because it happened on his tour,” said Vista, “but it was my machine.. my baby.. but Sting commissioned me to build it. It was neither his fault, nor mine. Some kids snuck backstage, and started messing with it. It was bad, man…” The machine, dubbed “TheBumpNGryndr”, was akin to a smoke machine, but instead of smoke, it filled the venue with a sort of aphrodisiac scent, in a mild vapourous form. “Sting had this really sort of erotic set prepared, he said it was for lovers” said Vista of the Sting tour, “so why not add to the atmosphere with a pinch of something to really get people in the mood… I figured, hey, it can be done, I can do it no problem, and if its a small dose, people will just be slightly aroused, not a big deal at all… maybe just some earlobe nibbling, you know..(sic)Sting already had candles, purple satin curtains, totem poles, all sorts of weird pseudo-erotic imagery on stage”.. “But these kids, they flipped all the levers, and ran out.. security caught them, but by then it was too late”.. The smell, derived of panther sweat, polar bear tears, and even bat wings, was later lambasted in the film Anchorman. “The funny thing was, the bat wings were a necessary ingredient to make this scent properly..people always joke about witches throwing batwings into their brew, but in this case, I really needed to add them.” Vista reported in his Cosmo article, “Vista: When the Lights get low, who’s gonna know?”.. “Actually,” Vista said, “I talked to Paul Rudd about a year before they wrote Anchorman, and he was like “Ha, that’s hilarious! I’m totally using it for my next movie” and I said “That’s not funny…if you were there you wouldn’t be snickering, Paul”. Indeed, set to *maximum*, TheBumpNGryndr sent audience, particularly women, into a sexual frenzy. People sort of lost their minds. Mostly, it was women assaulting men. Some people ripped off their clothes, but then sort of went crazy and started throwing chairs, and in some cases, just rolling around on the floor and snarling. Since the scent-distribution was going through the sprinkler system, which was mainly at the back of the venue, it took longer to reach the stage area, which gave Sting a chance to get a giant fire-hose up and running (the venue was an old firehall), and so Sting and a few backup dancers were blasting people with the hose from the stage. The security got involved, those that weren’t in the thrall of the aphrodisiac, and tried to restrain people from sexually assaulting each other. Luckily, no one was violated. After this concert, Mr. Vista was effectively fired from Sting’s tour, but got off lucky, since Sting threatened to sue Mr. Vista to the effect of $300 000 000.
AK AJB?’s Darkest Hour

young president, Duke Lindros.Philip J. Frye. “It was a personal affront to me,” said Philip, stabbing violently into a large hunk of hickory-smoked ham and chewing it rigorously. He continued, “Egmus was my right arm…IDRM brainwashed him, along with that accursed Vista. What Egmus did to my company was unforgivable.” In charge of the SHU ZSU research team, it was Eggbert who created the “supplements” that kept 55-year-old Philip Frye looking not a day over 17. It was Eggbert that had successfully created the first “run” of N.P. clones (the first without mental and physical defects), who found loopholes to make the clones legally available for “friendship or companionship rentals”. It was Eggbert who designed the SHU ZSU dating websites, which were utterly unhackable. But maybe it was 20 years of debauched, morally bereft behaviour that finally forced Eggbert Egmus to reconsider his station in life. It was a bitter irony that Eggbert Egmus almost killed Young Coconut and Delisle-Tron by trapping them in the path of a deadly lava flow, only to befriend them months later and join the IDRM crew as a touring guitar player. “We became acquainted during our time in and out of the courts,” said Young Coconut. “Despite all of the attempts we made to do each other in, we still had to be civil with each other in court. It was then that Egmus changed his ways. I told him we were the good guys, and he was really just the bad guy. He had to just look in the mirror and see himself for what he was – an evil doctor, a classic villain, a common criminal working for one of the world’s most corrupt organizations.” With a smile betraying childlike wonderment, Y.C. revealed to US Weekly, “We bonded over Gibsons, and that’s the kind of bond that doesn’t break. Zakk Wylde, Slash, all the greats play Gibsons. Egg is a Gibson man, so am I, and it came out in the wash that Mr. Frye likes his Burswood Radio Shack guitar – pathetic, and not very manly! That’s really what made Egg see the light. He couldn’t be in a better place now, touring with IDRM. Of course, you don’t see him, because he’s behind all the smoke and lights, but he’s there. You can hear him wailing away on songs like ‘Shine To Wienerdom’, and ‘Sellout Steve’. He even plays backward guitar on ‘Nipplemania IX’. When he’s on tour with us, we call him Sammy. That’s his name on the road. Eggbert isn’t a real chick-getting type of name. We call him Sammy D.” 
Pre-IDRM (1950-1995)
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There was a lawsuit in 2004 due to an experimental “olfactory device malfunction”, where a machine designed by Mr. Vista went a little haywire. “Sting ended up being sued, because it happened on his tour,” said Vista, “but it was my machine.. my baby.. but Sting commissioned me to build it. It was neither his fault, nor mine. Some kids snuck backstage, and started messing with it. It was bad, man…” The machine, dubbed “TheBumpNGryndr”, was akin to a smoke machine, but instead of smoke, it filled the venue with a sort of aphrodisiac scent, in a mild vapourous form. “Sting had this really sort of erotic set prepared, he said it was for lovers” said Vista of the Sting tour, “so why not add to the atmosphere with a pinch of something to really get people in the mood… I figured, hey, it can be done, I can do it no problem, and if its a small dose, people will just be slightly aroused, not a big deal at all… maybe just some earlobe nibbling, you know..(sic)Sting already had candles, purple satin curtains, totem poles, all sorts of weird pseudo-erotic imagery on stage”.. “But these kids, they flipped all the levers, and ran out.. security caught them, but by then it was too late”.. The smell, derived of panther sweat, polar bear tears, and even bat wings, was later lambasted in the film Anchorman. “The funny thing was, the bat wings were a necessary ingredient to make this scent properly..people always joke about witches throwing batwings into their brew, but in this case, I really needed to add them.” Vista reported in his Cosmo article, “Vista: When the Lights get low, who’s gonna know?”.. “Actually,” Vista said, “I talked to Paul Rudd about a year before they wrote Anchorman, and he was like “Ha, that’s hilarious! I’m totally using it for my next movie” and I said “That’s not funny…if you were there you wouldn’t be snickering, Paul”. Indeed, set to *maximum*, TheBumpNGryndr sent audience, particularly women, into a sexual frenzy. People sort of lost their minds. Mostly, it was women assaulting men. Some people ripped off their clothes, but then sort of went crazy and started throwing chairs, and in some cases, just rolling around on the floor and snarling. Since the scent-distribution was going through the sprinkler system, which was mainly at the back of the venue, it took longer to reach the stage area, which gave Sting a chance to get a giant fire-hose up and running (the venue was an old firehall), and so Sting and a few backup dancers were blasting people with the hose from the stage. The security got involved, those that weren’t in the thrall of the aphrodisiac, and tried to restrain people from sexually assaulting each other. Luckily, no one was violated. After this concert, Mr. Vista was effectively fired from Sting’s tour, but got off lucky, since Sting threatened to sue Mr. Vista to the effect of $300 000 000.
AK AJB?’s Darkest Hour

guitar on ‘Nipplemania IX’.‘Pointing At A Point On The Point Of A Point’. When he’s
Pre-IDRM (1950-1995)
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