The Big Cat is a person of interest in the ongoing dossier that certain authorities are pursuing in regards to the matter of a certain stolen 30 billion drachmae in 1997 which involved a bank robbery leading to a lengthy chase, ending with a stolen Coca-Cola truck seemingly disappearing without a trace into the ocean near the city of Kyllini.
The Big Cat – Identity and Pertinent Info
Information on The Big Cat has been scant, and yet present in FBI files dating back to the bureau’s inception in 1908. This alone makes all information on The Big Cat all the more valuable, as his presence has been on record for over a century, and it has consistently raised questions which have thus far gone unanswered, even at the highest levels of security.
The earliest known photo of The Big Cat dates back to the year 1890, when his likeness was seen on a wanted sign for cattle rustling in Kentucky.
There are very few pictures of this man on file, and, as you will know if you have read his FBI dossier, this goes against all sense and logic as the reputation of The Big Cat as a carouser with many famous peoples precedes him by a country mile.
According to the IDRM Dark Web File, the Big Cat has many unexpected connections in the music industry, including, and in particular, many English blues bands from the 1960’s, including The Yardbirds, The Bluesbreakers, and Led Zeppelin. It has even been speculated by Task Force Calamity that The Big Cat is the half brother of Yardbirds’ drummer Jim McCarty, though this has not been conclusively proven at the time of this writing.
The Big Cat has partied hard with the many hard-partying, hard-drinking lasses and lads of the rock scene (Janis, Jim, Roky Erickson, etc.), and it is said he was the main source of Fleetwood Mac’s collective cocaine habit in the late 70’s (supplying them with his special “8th Dwarf” powder) and Stevie Nick’s personal illicit substance dealer during the ’80’s. It has been confirmed by at least 5 anonymous female sources that The Big Cat was introduced by members of certain famous rock bands as their either their “new guitar player” or “manager” prior to sexual romps which always ended in tears, if not death (we delve into these stories elsewhere).
As he is still at large, it is not surprising he has been covertly but noticeably linked to current musicians, although his tastes may have changed slightly. In one of the few quotes we have from The Big Cat, he said “I am into the new stuff now! I still like the old stuff, but I really dig some of this new shit”. As is his wont, his appreciation for certain musicians expresses itself through the distribution of drugs. These recent dealings have linked him to such artists as singer Lana Del Ray, rapper ASAP Rocky, Drake, and retro pop enthusiasts IDRM. He allegedly also gave electronic funk duo Binary Forest a custom made finger speed enhancer called “peleta” (which we are still working to obtain a sample of).
The Infamous Billy Idol Prank
The Big Cat was nearly arrested once for filling Billy Idol’s garage with 3 feet of cocaine as a practical joke at the height of the “White Wedding” singer’s career, which had Billy behind bars for weeks before he was let out. It seemed that no one believed a man by the name of “The Big Cat” was responsible for such a highly illegal, and yet ludicrous occurrence, and Billy was locked up in county jail swearing violently until he could no longer speak. That said, Idol has attested to being friends with The Big Cat still to this day, but apparently the sneering rocker has no knowledge of his whereabouts, even under FBI duress to expose a tax scandal that would threaten his livelihood. If you refer to File#013WH-A, you will note that Billy Idol revealed nothing useful about The Big Cat, even after being kidnapped, drugged, and hypnotized by Task Force Ezra.
Despite his seemingly high profile entanglements, The Big Cat is famously camera shy, to the point where there are a total of 4 relatively clear images of him on file to this day. This is even more miraculous, considering his current activities for which he has been reported, evading all detection even in this age of omnipresent social media.
Speculations as to True Age & Identity
The IDRM Dark Web File has added nothing but confusion to our current knowledge base about The Big Cat. For 17 years, we had what we thought was insurmountable proof that his true identity was Cordon Levy, and a file was maintained until it was ultimately proven false. At this time, the only name we have for him is The Big Cat, to our deep chagrin.
As you probably no doubt know if you are reading this document, The Big Cat’s age has been established as being 160+ years old, which brings into question how exactly this is possible, if we are talking about the same man that is said to have been Theodore Roosevelt’s valet. In three other files, we have established DNA proof that this is indeed the same man, otherwise we have two theories that can be pointed to to explain all this.
Identical Progeny Theory
Here we have a theory which entails something quite strange, but for which there is ample evidence pointing to its truth. Identical Progeny Theory is, to describe it pithily, the concept where your offspring is essentially your twin. This has been known to happen naturally in very rare cases, but we have files pointing to the fact that not only is this true for The Big Cat, but it is true because of a drug that was invented by the very same man.
The Desert Breeze Case
It would seem that famous singer Gordon Sumner, aka Sting, had commissioned The Big Cat to do this very thing with his son, Joe Sumner, paying him 40 million dollars to do so.
That is, make his as identical as possible physically to Sting, with a slight chance that he would even literally be yet another Sting, by all accounts. This miraculous procedure, nicknamed Project Desert Breeze, would have taken place had The Big Cat not sabotaged the chemical make-up of the drug, called Zeelistophoxisix, so that it did not have the desired effect on Sting’s son, still a zygote at the time. Upon birth, the baby was taken into authorities using a red herring presented to Sting that an obsessed fan was trying to assassinate him and his firstborn son. In a whirlwind 13 hour period, baby Joe was whisked to a hospital, at which point he was picked up and then flown to a secret base in Mexico by stealth craft (essentially a flying saucer) where he was scanned for “identricity”, and then quickly returned to his parents. A story was concocted stating that the crazed superfan was captured and then sent to Guantanamo Bay, for the crime of “attempting to murder a superstar”, to be tortured for life – which Sting was apparently fine with. The baby apparently turned out normal, and the drug failed, however, as an interesting post script to this story, both the special ops. doctor on duty and his nurse saw the baby’s face morph before their eyes into an identical likeness of an approximately 28-year-old Sting, before morphing back into a regular newborn infant. “It was incredible, yet really, really freaky!” stated Dr. Shaw, for the record.
What this boils down to in essence, is that after an FBI task force (Task Force Harlequin) got a hold of the “fake” drug created by The Big Cat, it was studied and then scientists determined that the drug would have worked, had it not been for a material in the drug which caused it to basically not work. In other words, we were able to ascertain that the drug could work, but this drug did not. And so, the story goes, if The Big Cat had the ability to create a drug with the potential to clone your own children so that they are, in effect, the same as their parents in every physical way, would it not be logical to assume that The Big Cat, creator of many designer drugs including his famous “it’s not cocaine” cocaine…would he not be able to use the actual drug on himself to have offspring that resemble him to the last minute physical detail? This is the best theory we have going to explain why The Big Cat has been around for almost 2 centuries. Our conclusion here is that we’re dealing currently with The Big Cat 6 or 7.0 – the great-great-great-great grandson of the man who rustled cattle in Kentucky all those years ago. The other theory we have to explain the presence of The Big Cat in three different centuries of human endeavour is time travel, and this is something we have no evidence to support at this time.
The Search For The Big Cat Goes On
As mentioned previously, there was the case of the missing Coca-Cola truck, which somehow disappeared into the ocean off the coast of Greece after a nearly 3 hour police chase. “He was ahead of us, and then suddenly he was gone. There was no road he could have escaped by, unless he dove into the ocean.” said Officer Croutan, seasoned officer of the law on that hot summer day back in ’97. It was later surmised that the Coke truck used by The Big Cat was a submersible craft, modelled after various types of scuba crafts. This is logical, by virtue of the fact that The Big Cat is a known scuba expert and frequently has been reported diving at various hotspots around the globe.
An anonymous tip was recently sent to us, apparently “revealing” the current location of The Big Cat, which is supposedly behind the waterfall in the picture below. The photo was sent to FBI (which eventually found its way to us) in a manilla envelope, containing a glossy 8.5 x 11″ color photo showing a waterfall, with writing on the back scrawled out “Big Cat HQ” and the phrase “strike now or regret it later”. We are currently working to identifying the location of this waterfall, and the author of this note.