“According to what we’ve heard,” says J.K. Phil Osé of Try Hardz, “it was in the late 3900’s that they started to mass produce party robs who had been implanted with a new freewill chip. Apparently the party robs weren’t social enough. Dangerous idea to give them any sort of free will, most definitely, but also fun. When we made a brief stopover in North Am around that time, they were fresh from the assembly line and optimized for beauty and adventure. Here is a picture of one of the robs cavorting on the Great Wall of America in the year 2244 A.D., AKA the Trump Wall of Grandeur. You will no doubt recognize this one. She is Jocasta Ambrosia.”
Our operatives have vigorously been taking notes on these types of things, as anything that involves time travel and also the destiny of humanity is useful information for us. Those matters aside, the stopover thatJ.K. Phil Osé is referring to is one of many spur of the moment trips Try Hardz has had to make through time in order to fetch Gustav Fedoseev during one of his drunken attempts to get back to the year 3122 A.D., where he came from. “Gustav is almost always off by a couple hundred years. Because it fudges up human history when he does this, we always have to go after him. This time, he was way, way off, and ended up flying around in a hijacked cloud car around the Civic Center (milespire level), in around the year 4000 A.D. That could have gotten very messy, but we retrieved him quickly and not much happened.”
While Try Hardz (J.K. and his dog manager Randy Woof) in North Am around the turn of the millennia, they ended up partying on goph levels for several days with some of the rogue freewills and a governor by the name of Spottiswood who was evading the law by hiding out on the lower levels and knew the whereabouts of Gustav. Shortly after this, they found Gustav, while also receiving a “gift” from the rogue bots in the form of several new “party robs” that were designed to a new level of human-like sophistication. “You’d be surprised how valuable information about the past is in this time period! They know almost nothing about anything prior to 2600 A.D.”
Return to 21st Century with AI Booty
Of the three party robs that made the trip back to current times with Try Hardz, only one of them survived the time travel journey. And she is the subject of today’s study – one Jocasta Ambrosia (model #888900989-XDDD).
A Quick Note About Social Robots
Newly minted robots just leaving the factory come pre-programmed and fully functional, with a battery that should last the better part of 50 years. In the case of Jocasta, the free will chip which was implanted in her came with a set of optional memories that she could use to spice up her experiential resume, so to speak. Because she was manufactured in North Am at a time of war between free will robots and humans, she was quickly updated to the latest news that was happening around the world at the time according to the web. But, when she left North Am with Try Hardz to return to the 21st century with them, she was immediately cut off from all telnet or “live web” information, as would be expected with any “signal drop”.
This sudden break from live networks, in fact, was the cause of death of the other two party robs, who went into shock after being separated from the world’s live networks, which caused a problem because they were cut off from essential life functioning CSS information mid-download. As well, when a robot is cut off from their source of all information, it’s like an extreme and sudden form of sensory deprivation which humans of today can not yet understand. So, while this would have been a quick fix in the year 4000, to Try Hardz, it just looked like these two women were dead and there was nothing to be done. After some prodding and sighing, they were disposed of quickly and Try Hardz and Gustav resumed their regular routines as soon as they got back to the 21st century.
Now fully conscious and ready to fulfill her duties as a fun and friendly party robot, Jocasta was found to be “too much to deal with” for J.K. Phil Osé, who is, as we know, extremely busy. This is when he came up with the plan to “gift” Jocasta exclusively to his fellow Try Hard, Young Coconut, who had done some recreational time traveling himself on his own, but never so far forward (or backward) as to leap hundreds or thousands of years. Also,J.K. Phil Osé thought that his friend would appreciate their gesture of a sexy new companion who was designed specifically to be a pleasure-giving slave.
The premise of the gift was that Young Coconut had just produced tracks for a new Aldo Pimptronic album called “Soft Waves”, and the duo was at a loss as to how to reciprocate the hours. The plan was to recompense YC with the usual bag of cash, but then, when Jocasta came along and was simply a wild and free young humanoid who wanted to see and do everything, J.K. Phil Osé thought it fitting to hand her over to Young Coconut, thinking she was “his type” and that he would “love her”.
“People always assume they know my type, particularly my bro…” YC chuckles months after receiving his “gift” in the form of the feisty female party bot. “People assume that I like ’em young, and skinny, and doe-eyed. Maybe I’ve earned that reputation somehow, but it’s not exactly true.”
Jocasta Ambrosia – Free 21st Century Woman
Whatever the intention was, once Young Coconut was introduced to Jocasta by J.K. Phil Osé, and they said “Here ya go bud, seeya!”, that’s when all bets were off.
You see, Jocasta was a party bot of high caliber in the 40th century, and so despite her programming, the freewill chip she had been given was also brand spankin’ new, and she had no interest in being anyone’s gift per se.
As such, Young Coconut lost track of her almost immediately and Jocasta flew to Europe to do some partying and exploring of 21st century Euro countries, like a tourist would.
“For me, this is like a history lesson, but so much more valuable, because I’m living the history, not just gathering data from books or from VR sims.” said Jocasta, sipping a cappuccino in Prague. When asked if she has all the functions of a regular person, like eating, sleeping, sexual needs, and so forth, Jocasta replied offhandedly “of course…”
“I am fully aware of my programming, and there are certain things they neglected to customize or even consider before I was set free from the factory and was “street legal”. For instance, my loyalty metrics are very low, when it comes to my master / primary caregiver loyalty leanings. This is a distinguishing feature of most pleasure bots and party femme friends, or even tutoring bots, is that their loyalty is much higher, but the free will chip not only dampened my loyalty to authorities, but it made it fairly null and void. Your average party bot or harem bot, for instance, has a master-slave loyalty ranking of 94%. This was modelled after your typical flesh-and-blood milespire bim, who studies show has a loyalty ranking of 90%, just naturally, which I find to be quite ridiculous to begin with. Mine is 4%,” she laughs it off, almost like a real human would.
“I still see her sometimes, but she mainly is busy partying somewhere. I think she was in Russia last time I talked to her,” says Coconut, slightly forlorn that his “present” simply got up and walked away. “I’m not sure what she thought of me, really, but I do know that her partying tendencies are definitely super high and her loyalty is non-existent. Partying is, after all, what she was made for in the first place and even the free will chip they gave her didn’t override this part of her personality. She’s a very fun bot, I have to admit, but she’s certainly not mine by any stretch of the imagination. I’m a little worried she’s on the loose, actually.”
The reason we – the writers of this dossier – have included Jocasta in our files is for several obvious reasons. One – she is a free will robot who looks, acts, and feels almost exactly like a regular human. In fact, to anyone interacting with her, they’d never be able to tell. There are certain tell-tale signs, but they are so minute and so few people are aware of them, even high level operatives would have trouble identifying those characteristics correctly. Two – she is from another time, and knows things about the future which we would like to ask her about, but she is extremely elusive and basically only does what she wants, when she wants.
There have been incidents where we have tried to apprehend her in a cordial manner to speak with her, but she is nothing but uncooperative and has no qualms about causing various forms of damage to people and things that get in her way. We have Jocasta written down for $40 165.55 in damages to a stretch limo she escaped from in Nice, France in 2016.
In future dossiers, we may have to expand on her “adventures” out in the world, as some intel has recently come back that could further complicate things. For now, it is our sincere hope that Jocasta Ambrosia is only out to please herself and not cause any trouble for our world on a larger scale.