Randy Woof – Try Hardz Manager a Canine Colonel Tom Parker

There has been much controversy around the fact that Randy Woof manages Try Hardz over the years, mainly due to the fact that Randy is a dog. 

A dog managing humans?  Impossible, they said.  Unnatural, they argued.  Unfair, they muttered.  Despite death threats, angry shouts, and burning piles of Try Hardz records, Randy has been managing the band now for over a decade, and deemed to be the canine equivalent of Colonel Tom Parker, ruling the band with an iron paw.  Hence, Try Hardz have been fortunate enough to enjoy a lifestyle that most men dare not dream of.

“Awww He’s So Cute!”

At first, the public was besotted when photos were initially released of Randy Woof and Try Hardz, as the general public just assumed this was the band’s new mascot or part of a marketing effort to make Try Hardz more palatable to a broader demographic. 

To be sure, the promotional material introducing Randy Woof to fans was undeniably cute.  Younger fans with sagging diapers, brace-faced teens, and elderly fans with walkers and false teeth alike were floored by his wooly fur, his impressive mane, and his cute little bitty face!

hi i'm Randy woof

The Controversy Begins…

The controversy over Randy’s position as manager was a slow build.  He was declared official manager of the group in 2004, according to tax records, with a payment of $475.50 issued to a Randool Woof.  Music publications like Rolling Stone, NME, and others basically took it as a joke for the first year or so, despite Try Hardz making public statements like “Meet our new manager, Randy Woof.”  There was also the popular T-shirt, “HI I’M RANDY WOOF”.  The following picture of Randy splashing around in a river garnered 25 000 re-pins on Pinterest.

Basically, no one took the Try Hardz seriously about their dog manager, just like they didn’t take them seriously in regards to their claims of being aliens from another solar system, or having the ability to time travel.  “I think Men Without Hats made a similar claim in the 1980’s – that they were from off world.  I know it’s something Gwar says on a regular basis,” said David Fricke in 2008, “Claiming to be aliens is old news.”

$1.80 for Every $1 Lawsuit

In 2009, a complainant by the name of Evelyn Gersnach filed a lawsuit against Try Hardz, after she had been employed as the Try Hardz secretary for over a year. 

evelyn gersnatch

The allegation, at first ignored by the press but eventually devoured for it’s Enquirer-esque content, went something like this.  Try Hardz had gainfully employed Randy Woof, and he was being paid a lot more than their secretary, Evelyn Gersnach, even though he was a dog. Evelyn was quoted in court as saying, “I can’t take it anymore.  Their dog, who basically does nothing but sleep and bark at cars, is on the payroll and makes $1.80 for every dollar I make.  I’ve seen the pay stubs. I’m beyond insulted!”  Evelyn then went on to sue Try Hardz and Fauxtown Records for 4.1 million dollars US.  As with many lawsuits, the whole story is rarely shared with the public, but the mention of millions did get the attention of gonzo journalists like Plato Price.

Randy = Patriarchy?

The controversy continued to build in many unexpected and strange ways, which the Try Hardz were forced to file under “Any press is good press”.  At one point, after the lawsuit against Try Hardz and Randy Woof was dismissed from court after the complainant mysteriously disappeared, another wild story emerged, saying that the Try Hardz and specifically Randy Woof, were tantamount to actively promoting the patriarchy – this time the accusations were flying on Youtube with a series of defamatory videos.

feminist hates try hardzThe videos have since been removed, but the gist of the video series, amidst a bunch of cockamamie yelling and screaming, seem to have been that not only was Randy Woof earning far more than Try Hardz, but someone did the math an said that Randy Woof seems to be earning 11.17x the amount of a female CEO in the same position, which apparently can be blamed on Fauxtown Records for being sexist, and promoting the much-ballyhooed gender pay gap.  And, since Randy is technically a male dog, he is promoting the patriarchy as well as “speciesist views”.

This lead to several rallies being held that where people were protesting the Try Hardz and Randy Woof, with signs that included “Down With Woof”, “Womyn Against Dogs In Power”, and several other anti-Randy signs.

protestors protesting

Randy Responds

One day in April of 2011, a Vimeo channel sprung up that featured a video where Randy the dog “responding” to all of his alleged crimes against humanity.  The url of the channel was concealed so that it was impossible to trace it, and later the video was taken down.  The video features Randy pacing back and forth, wearing what has become his “signature” sunglasses, and “talking” to the camera.

In what appeared to be voiceover style, a low rumbling voice proceeded to speak to viewers, saying what the media had only speculated up until then.  The transcript, unedited, went as follows.

“My fellow Americans, this is Randy Woof.  I am here to clear up some of the misunderstandings that people seem to have about me, not because I feel the need to defend myself, but because I want to be as clear as possible about my intentions.  <long pause>  Yes, I am a dog, and yes I am speaking to you now.  Some of you may wonder about this, but it is not something you need to concern yourself with at this time.  I have come to say this: I am here because I was sent here from another place to manage the Try Hardz, who I’ve long felt are very talented – in fact, the most talented rap group on this planet, and yet, many people I’ve spoken with tell me they think the Try Hardz are talent-less.  Their work, I think, speaks for itself, which is why their concerts are always fully attended, and their albums sound so amazing.  This is all because of me, and they openly admit this as well.  I am not here to gloat, but simply to take credit for what I have done and for what I will do, which is that I will take the Try Hardz to even greater heights and bring more glory unto Fauxtown Records, in the name of your planet Goibos.  I believe the word here is “cheers” and I bid you goodnight.”

This was streamed live on Vimeo as the earliest “live stream” video on the internet, and many people managed to capture this footage and it is now said to be highly collectible.  This dossier is meant to keep track of Randy’s activities, since, curiously, he went back to barking in interviews immediately following this mysterious broadcast.

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