Gustav Fedoseev is a person of interest in an ongoing dossier that focuses on cases involving criminal negligence, moral turpitude, illegal immigration, malfeasance in public office, gross misconducts of justice, as well as illegal temporal migration (eg. time travel).
While judges in every century from the 20th to the 30th century have explicitly referred to “The Guz” as a “very bad person”, he has always been consistent with his counter argument: “I’m not a bad person at all.” Clearly-stated, powerful words from a man who was the first to be apprehended by the FBI for crimes he committed in the future, including (but not limited to) deployment of freewill robots in a non-freewill enclave and illegal distribution of flash USB sticks.
1972 Arrest in Moscow
We became aware of Gustav Fedoseev when he was arrested in Moscow, Russia in 1972, trying to sell an almanac that predicted the future of all the major sporting events over the next 100 years, not to mention kept a record of all of the agricultural trends in the entire USSR “from 1975-2075”. The KGB might not have encountered Gustav, had he not been naked in front of the Kremlin, selling these books and screaming like a madman in an unknown language that drew the attention of both tourists and authorities, many of whom snapped photos of the naked lunatic.
Also, people who were eye witnesses say that Gustav emerged from a phone booth, but no one saw him go into the phone booth. In fact, one person claimed that there “was no phone booth” prior to Gustav stumbling out of it on his hands and knees. Also, when the police questioned him at the time, they noticed that he was shaved head to toe, glistening with baby oil, and was rambling on about how his blood was “important” and of a rare type that needed to be preserved. A quote by Gustav at the time was: “Don’t hit me, my blood is TX20 and if I lose even a drop’s worth that will cost your government TRILLIONS!”
All of this resulted in his arrest, but it was an analysis of the almanac, of which Gustav had 12 copies with him in a backpack, that caused the KGB to question Gustav and keep him in a Siberian detainment camp for up to 12 weeks while they tried to figure out what to do with him.
Release and Raves
After 12 weeks of watching American TV soap operas in the Siberian facility and re-learning english from Y&R, an incompetent army commander by the name of Oral Ivanov saw it fit to release Gustav, and have him personally flown back to Moscow, where he was subsequently freed, after a series of blunders.
The report we obtained from the KGB states that Ivanov got into such a flap with Gustav one day while trying to obtain information from him that he decided, on his own misguided authority, that Gustav was just a “crazy man” and that the government was wasting time and money detaining him. In fact, Ivanov was reportedly “so annoyed” that he knocked out The Guz with snub nose 38, and threw him into a small plane that was used for shipping uniforms and coats between Siberia and other parts of Russia. Unconscious and part of a “laundry run”, The Guz was flown personally back to Moscow by Ivanov, and, as later admitted by Ivanov, “dumped in the Moskva River and left to be eaten by the rats”.
The story becomes unclear at this point, but in 1974, Gustav turned up again in Amsterdam, planning illegal parties in warehouses which he called “raves”. This is where he met the Flying Lenins, whom he then managed on and off for the next 35 years.
It was with the help of the Lenins that Gustav found his way back to Russia, and was able to work together with the Russian government to fund certain endeavours that were, as Gustav said, “what the world needed”.
On the side, Gustav and the Lenins began to throw illegal art and music parties throughout Europe and parts of Asia, with money Gustav was embezzling from China (with Russia’s full assistance) through initiatives that will have to be discussed at a later, for the sake of brevity.
Binary Forest and The Future
With the help of the Lenins, Gustav Fedoseev was able do what he claimed was “his destiny”, which was to “conflagrate” a music scene in Northern Africa and Turkey involving a type of music which the world had never heard before, which he called “The Electronic”. It was at this time, in Egypt, that Gustav fell in with the electronic forerunners Binary Forest in 1975, who had just recently formed in an undisclosed part of Europe, and who themselves had a keen interest in “dominating culture”.
It was at this point that Gustav told Binary Forest and The Flying Lenins about where he came from. Here is a quote (File#066-16) which is a transcription of a recording which was secretly obtained by the KGB before they began working with Gustav as part of the Ministry of Information:
<Pertinent info begins at 7:04 on the Maxell tape labelled “Fedoseev”>
Gustav: Me? I’m not from around here.
FL: Sure, ok. We know you’re from Russia, is that right?
Gustav: Well, that’s where they found me, but I am…ok, can I be honest here?
FL: Yeah, of course. <laughing>
Gustav: I’m from Baililia Quadrant, South Am. Sub-sector 06-6.
FL: <laughter> Ok, yeah, sure you are!
Gustav: Basically it’s about 1 km under the Earth’s surface. South Am hasn’t had breathable air in about 500 years above ground.
FL: <laughter tapering off> Where is this again, Earth?
Gustav: Yes, but the future.
FL: Oh, so you come from the future?
Gustav: Yes, the year 3122…I returned to this time to help start a movement. But I kind of screwed up, as I when I arrived I needed money so I was trying to sell my body. I forgot that in this time, it’s only women that can do that. In the future, it is much different…
FL: This is too much… <laughter>
Gustav: I agree. I knew I was in trouble when I started selling those almanacs. That was a mistake, but at the time, it seemed like a good idea. I…
<recording ends abruptly>
To fill in the next part, it was later discovered that Gustav Fedoseev was a gypsy who practices the religion call Seal’s Law of Lateral Affect who came back to the past after being appointed by his clan leader Atrialysis Archibald Havenbach III as “the most motivated person for this job”. As such, he was selected and sent back to our time with a mission – to enlighten the western world about the potential disaster they faced if they didn’t embrace a new type of culture (ironically, not Seal’s Law, but something even more revolutionary), which will be explained in another report.
After partying incessantly, burning nearly every imaginable bridge, and entering into many illicit affairs with the help of certain fugitives such as The Big Cat, Gustav, after attempting to “enlighten” the western world and finding himself burnt out and brainwashed by forces beyond his control, he decided to settle down and start Fedoseev’s Loft, (later shortened to just “The Loft”). It was initially a property that The Flying Lenins had obtained for what they called “gypsy change” from Dino Dangertov’s voluptuous daughter Isabella Dangertov. Gustav procured The Loft from The Flying Lenins in a drunken game of spin-the-bottle-and-try-to-put-out-the-fire, which East Berlin lawyers later deemed as a binding contract. And so Gustav settled into his loft in 1976….
For the second half of the 1970’s, every imaginable thing happened under the roof of The Loft. 24 hour parties, 48 hour parties, month long parties, the conception, birth, and sometimes abortion of otherworldly musical ideas. The invention of new and unheard of instruments that could make you sound like you’re singing in God’s voice or sometimes even like a dying constipated lizard singing in God’s voice. The laundering of money through corrupt government offices (mostly by Gustav). The shameless piracy of hit tapes from the western world. You’ve heard of Club 54….this was the soviet version, with a revolving cast of characters that included the disgustingly rich and famous. This lead to many music-censorship related busts over the years (they didn’t care about copyright), and yet Fedoseev always had some way of bouncing back, even after the KGB would raid the place and confiscate piles of tapes and cash at least twice a year. And yet, like Gumby, you could stretch Gustav out until he almost snaps in half, but he will always retain his original shape as well as, more importantly, his regular behaviours and tendencies towards the dark side of life.
Being the gypsy that he is, Gustav always overcame the odds. Amazingly, his plan to thrive despite the adversity seemed to work as his enemies at various high levels of government made new enemies, and left Gustav to stew in his own pool for a while. It wasn’t until 1979 that Gustav ran into IDRM, which lead to events that had the saltiest and most feared KGB officer, Dino Dangertov, paying some serious attention to Fedoseev’s activities.