IDRM Classified Log #6809 / Security Level: Delta.
We were able to intercept a private conversation between wanted felon Gustav Fedoseev (pictured below) and Aldo Pimptronic (pictured right), which spans about 8 days and which reveals to us many details our department has been seeking for months. Here we finally confirm the association with both Waldo Jefferson and Jocasta Ambrosia, and we are able to narrow down some specific locations we have been searching for – namely London, England. We are working to close in on Gustav’s location as we speak and hopefully nab him, but, as an added and unexpected bonus to our organization, the conversation here is of particular special interest because it gives us vital insight into Gustav’s psychology which prior to this was simple speculation. Now we can see that he’s starting to crack, from his own lifestyle choices it seems. Our psychologists will analyze it all, and we will keep everything found here for future records. Clearly Aldo and Gustav have become friends, unless this is a staged conversation to throw us off Gustav’s trail, perpetrated by Gustav himself.
We think that “pizza” is most certainly code for a type of drug we found on the street being delivered to the gangs by The Big Cat (one of his creations, no doubt), or a semi-conductor we’ve heard rumour of for quite some time that is being implemented in a nefarious project called Moonshake. This information in this document presented here is confirmed authentic by <CODENAME BISMARK, L2> and relatively current – all culled from the past 2 weeks by our new successful crawler, which we have named SocialBot-Y97. If we can catch Gustav this time, he will most assuredly lead us to IDRM. We believe the following exchange took place on Facebook, by the nature of the conversation and some other telltale details. We pick up the convo mid stream, from just over a week ago.
January 6th, 2018 / 8:32am, EST
GF: I’m just looking forward to free counselling that their government will provide….
AP: You have a knack for seeking out that sort of support. Norway has always <text truncated> It’s a big part of their charm..
GF: Lol Well when I was in psychotherapy, the psychologists were my best friends, and I was always a bit sad I couldn’t hang out with them..
AP: makes sense
GF: Ugh, you just get so into open convos
<time lapse of 5 hours>
GF: Currently at drs. Got the stuff, and the other stuff. 😉
GF: i’m also sick…mine’s just like a headache and a cold but i feel pretty horrible
AP: Uh oh…what doctor are you at? The one in Pickwich? i was gonna come up that way to pick it up but i’m kinda .. like half dead
GF: Just stopping by my lady’s place…she’s waiting, wants to get plowed. Gotta love how direct she is huh? She even says “plowed”.. it’s so vulgar. Anywayz I’m just finishing up some real actual business, then walking back to their apt to get those light fixtures…
AP: yo so are you in town then…i’m trying to get away from you know who for a bit at some point
GF: Ahh Ok
AP: i’ve been stuck here all day just feeling crappy and having to do all this work. hacking their system is taking forever.
GF: OK, well I’m just eating. But pretty much g2g at any point
AP: are you wanting to head back to home base first or don’t care
GF: Well I have to go back there at some point
AP: ah ok well we can make that trek..maybe make a little pitstop
GF: OK, well that’s cool, just let me know whenev…No rush at my end
<70 minutes later>
AP: hey so i’m leaving soon i just gotta swing by the Cecil’s and get that dart gun so i’ll be there in like 30 ish mins. The poison has been added to the darts too, and they’re all in the case like you were asking for.
GF: ok…o i’ll go down at 6:30.. message me if you are here sooner because i gotta bring the van around
GF: hey are you around after midnight at all…we can do a run…grab some glitter, head to the dock…have some fun fun with some bims. maybe tomorrow we could all hang out at Sandy’s and we can get those turbines working. they won’t repair themselves. wat you think
AP: No good.
GF: No good?
AP: You left town too soon, won’t work.
GF: Oh shoot. Yes, I mean. Yes around tomorrow and I have the gear needed. I want to get the accelerator working so we can pay a quick visit to 1976. Someone I want you to meet there.
AP: Ah, so the no was for tonight. Who do you want me to meet?
GF: Yes, her name is Alese? Currently, she is someone you both know and love. It will be a surrpise… plus, you never seen disco up close like this.. club 54 and all that .. anyway what u sayin tonight?
AP: I’m just dead tired, and just got in, ducking freezing g cold, and I’m in bed with Jammie’s and touch, under 3 blankness, and sucking my thumb *Blankies *Touque …I give up on typing
GF: haha yeah actually i’m still a bit under the weather here too.. Hep C but i’m going to hit up 2300 when they managed to fix it with a pill
AP: it’s been a brutal day somehow
GF: U don’t want to go out. It’s really cold
AP: Ah but i need to get hot chocolate..did you already have some?
GF: yeah i did…it was a good idea
AP: Ugh, I wish I had a hot water bottle…I’m going to make one I think
GF: good idea
AP: I remember I did a speech on my hot water bottle in grade seven, and the class laughed so hard at me, I went into hysterics and could continue. (0) is what ole Miss Sleck said. Could not regain control of her bladder. Anyway I’ll meet you downstairs.
<26 hours later>
AP: yo what you sayin tonight?
GF: Forgot I told Tiny I’d head out with him.. Not sure what time back cause he wants to whack some fool
GF: where u heading?
AP: London…anyway lemme know what the plan is, i’d be down to hang out and blaze a couple if you’re around but if not it’s freezing and i can just hide out here. there’s a titty film on tonight i wanna watch.
GF: i am kinda hankering for a night of renting some chickies and chillin listening to some trax. you can have the master bedroom if Juanita is there. i know what she’s like. but at the same time, if you’re out for a while maybe it’s a no go.. either way, it’s cool. Call Juanita first, then call me back.
AP: Ugh, just got to go out and look after Tiny’s cousin, not sure what time am back. I let u know…Ugh equals yah
GF: ok doke
AP: Ugh, tonight’s not gonna work. Maybe next weekend we can meet up and hack that mainframe.
GF: ah well ok then, enjoy the eve
<3 days later>
GF: I gotta get out of the place for noon, and am thinking about going to applewood plaza to add cell time.. Not sure what ur up to? Want to get pizza?
AP: haha of course but i’m going over to my buddy Calvin’s for a few hours today.. that’s about it ..so i’ll be busy til later i guess
GF: OK, well give me a shout. I hacked that guy’s computer and got those nudes you wanted. Some big time celebs. Good shit, I previewed em. I gotta get to bed early tonight but should be around in aft. If it works out, otherwise talk to u online. The capacitor is broken again.
AP: Have you talked to Coconut lately? He came in the other day with a bruise. I thought it was from <text error>
GF: haha she always does that… anyway aight what’s the word
AP: Still jammin mon
GF: yah that’s cool – i’m actually probably not gonna be into going anywhere except out for a bison burger – i’ve been downtown since 11, ran into Big Cat, got some Z’s and also some H’s and need to go home and eat, and probably chill. I’m sort of tired, already. Was up since 4:30.. Ah life.
AP: Damn son
GF: yeah i got up at 11 today and was exhausted all day..i can’t handle “4:30” spent 4 hours today doing a hip hop beat. gave me a headache tho.. ah life indeed
AP: well we can meet up this week anyway maybe listen to some tunes.. do you know about the Skatenigs? for some reason i’m in a tune listening mood, as long as it’s Skatenigs or Marilyn Manson
GF: Ya good call I’ll let you know. I’m going to be working OT this week every night, but should be home 6ish. 7/9:00 is a good window during week. the Binary Forest guys came by, dropped off that funny looking satellite dish. They also sent me this pic and asked if i knew who it was hold on i’ll send it
GF: can you believe it?
AP: Well well lookie who it is. <image is of Jacosta Ambrosia – confirmed by Bismark>
GF: Yep. anyway, i just said nah i have no idea
AP: Your the worst. Anyway, wahtever. What sports were you guys playing?
GF: We played football, hacky sack. It was super tiring. Anyway I’m toast. ttyl
AP: k sounds good
<6 hours later>
AP: Up yet?
GF: God no
AP: so you’re crashing soon then eh
GF: I am crashed still from before…I started watching a hitchens talk on George Orwell, and I think it’s the British accents, but I’ve been in and out of consciousness
AP: yeah that’d do it
GF: have you seen the movie The Great Ape. I sent it to ya via drive
AP: Lol, have to watch it tomorrow because my data is slow, but gets reset tomorrow
GF: can you do me a favour and not use the time machine til next wed
GF: i need it for some runs
AP: Ok sure that’s fine
GF: Ok peace
<8.5 hours later>
GF: Sorry. Accidentally called
AP: ah i heard that downstairs
GF: Tonight and tomorrow probably out for doing the test run. I’m here at work til after 6 both nights.. Wed night might be OK tho and i’ve got some of that crazy pink weed
AP: ok cool i’ll keep er in mind…power through that OT
GF: Yah, I’m gonna set a good pace for 2018
AP: so far so good man… you’re doing alright, this won’t be like last year that’s for sure. couldn’t get worse than that
<48 hours later>
GF: what up
AP: oh just waiting for sandman. You?
GF: ah hanging with Waldo at my place just chillin and having a few dranks
GF: yeah just sitting here waiting for the sun to set
AP: yup, Waldo says hi btw
GF: tell him hey. how’s the chair?
AP: Great, love it. I have the same chair.. makes sitting a pleasure
GF: I Do also. Especially with this chair
AP: oh ya that chair
GF: yes this chair, is a favorite of the party goers of the one party i had..I started not to like all the people in my chair though – sort of.. a three bears type thing
AP: yeah getting possessive
GF: i think it’s because a lot of the wood chairs I had, are now broken from people sitting on them, so i’m trying to protect my only good chair..lol
AP: yeah it’s all you need that chair
GF: yah. it’s my favorite thing
AP: enjoy it … while it lasts!
GF: yah… fair warning
<50 hours later>
AP: what up there diggidy dawg? today/tonight would be as good a time as any to find those two blondes and bring em in
GF: drivings not the best though, must say
AP: yeah, i was just out.. it’s a slip n slide.. but we need to go after them. they lost the orb
GF: the black one? yah i figured a much
AP: i’m a bit of a pickle too.. Waldo seems to have lost my cash which means i haven’t been paid this week which means i’m in deep shit
GF: ooh booy
AP: i had to borrow money from Big Cat to pay off my bookies and that was uncomfortable as usual
GF: i borrowed a bag of rubies from Chaka Zulu also to pay rent – so it goes
AP: so now i seem to have broken out in a rash and i’m just kinda stressed..
AP: yeah it sucks.. i get the horse racing check in the mail, and there’s nothing i can do to track it or anything and they have til the end of the month to deliver it, although it consistently comes around the 6th.. but Robbie’s being pain. losing shit
GF: i guess Xmas fucked things up or the mailman dropped it
AP: maybe…so i have found a way around it maybe but it’s a long shot.. is Chaka around today?
GF: sorry bro .. but that’s weird there’s no tracking available for it but i guess snail mail is like that. What happens if someone else named Aldo Pemberton takes it <we’ve confirmed this is one of Pimptronic’s aliases>
AP: That one place sold by the way, but I have no deets. There was supposed to be a home inspection today but it was cancelled due to weather
GF: fuck eh.. we kinda need that 30K. yeah apparently if you put a snake in a bag crossing the border, all possibilities for tracking cease and they usually get a hold of the snake. this one was an asp
AP: you don’t say.. well, not that they’d track it to begin with
GF: yeah i don’t know.. if someone else gets it, they can’t cash it in.. a wild asp is not common
GF: anyway the situation is getting a bit fucked, cause every day there’s a bit of a financial pile up as some bill bounces or some person wants their money. Waldo did this, it’s his fault. Too busy gaming and smoking cheeba the bloody moron. i swear
AP: this is just following the thing that Mr. C. penalized my minions and killed about 12 guys and i’m still trying to get things back to normal
GF: it sounds heady
AP: so it’s really been one thing after another…it’s like a theme of shit luck or something…i don’t think i’m imagining it…i’m more like experiencing it
GF: oh it’s real all right…well on the plus side, i cleaned my space nicely since I thought there was an inspection… and your girlfriend was there too, btw. you thought you gave her the slip
AP: nuts! And I thought I can sort of enjoy it this weekend I guess not
GF: I need some good luck with this sale. If they tell me they aren’t flipping it, and are going to be dedicated landlords I’ll be like.. and this is a couple of years of instability, relieved finally that I actually have a home. I like being high up in the mountains. I can almost touch the clouds on certain days.
AP: so you’ll find out relatively soon what’s up i take it
GF: i would definitely be up for some pizza tonight, but i keep hearing about car accidents due to a couple of robots shooting the crap out of one of their command centers and there’s been rumour of this blizzard all week that’s messing up all the signals on top of the hill
AP: i would expect that.. if it’s the 456M’s, their lasers are like.. they never miss, but according to Mr. Jones, it’s sold, but the inspections have to happen, and a closing date has to come and go.. because the previous owner can still pay arrears up to that date and thwart the sale, and then I need to have a good understanding with the new owners that they are committed landlords, and not looking to buy/sell, or god help me, move in and displace. I’ll kill them all if that happpens.
GF: but yah, best maybe not to drive anywhere. potholes.. and your lambo isn’t great in bad weather to begin with
AP: no i drove to Dickies to grab coffee and see my sweety and almost wiped out several times
it’s not good on these roads at all
GF: yah, best to wait it out
AP: but maybe if tomorrow looks a bit better we can try the pizza thing.. maybe order wings
GF: yah, quite possibly
AP: you can come for dinner if you want… bring Barbara
GF: that’d be nice
AP: yah i have some presidents choice type frozen casseroles too.. I have some sort of chicken alfredo one that might be good to split…they are two portion sizes
GF: well i have to kind of avoid Barb right now.. i think my schitzo has something to do with stress, something to do with drinking a bit last night to deal with stress, and something to do with me consuming black market stuff lately and not caring…so i can’t pile on any more blue pills or purples either.. that said we can just get something else or something.
AP: I have other things – honey garlic wings, or burgers.. there’s always Oleery’s if all else fails
GF: yeah.. we can figure something out
GF: anyway for now i’ll probably just head home and try to rest for a bit.. i’m just tired and stressed. Papa stopped by lookin for me.. and you as well. I had to run! I managed to get back to HQ and now i’m going home to hop in bed
AP: ok rest up! i will catch you on the flippity flop
<80 hours later>
GF: you’re in this too! ############### <video link deleted>
AP: Do do do dommmm
GF: also, wondering if i can interview you for a special feature between Aldo and the machine gun guys…it’ll only take 15 mins
AP: Tomorrow…I just popped a zopi
GF: fair e nuff restful times approaching
AP: I think i just solved our little problem
GF: It’s such a matrix you have created…It’s funny, I wrote to you.. im a sex slave now And five minutes later, I’m like looking at your thread and it’s not there… Lol …I put that on my thread with Missy, Who has no point of reference, so I just had to spend a few moments giving her one lol But it works for me with her lol
AP: yeah.. bad news, I think we’re being tracked
GF: what you mean?
<end of conversation>